BarrelHouse Travel Tips from "The Cheese Master"

10 key pieces of advise from the Barrelhouses own roving travel guru "The Cheese master"

1) Never travel with Cheesey otherwise the following may happen

Passport taken at knife point in USA (tried to do a crocodile Dundee but pulled out a salami instead) tasted nice...

Passport taken at knife point in Kenya (it should be noted that Cheesey read the lonely planet once and it recommended a place called Knife Point for its scenic beauty)

Passport stolen in Vietnam, was amazed it was stolen as he left it in the care (on the beach) of his camera and wallet as he was swimming, strangely enough they disappeared too, he believed they may have drowned as none of them had arms to swim with.

Passport eaten by a horny dog in Ireland, met her in a bar and she asked him to do the weirdest thing he could imagine to her, I for one don't understand the turn on but whatever floats your boat

Passport Expired in Vietnam, a sad day as it was only young, its always the innocent that get hurt, we told him it was in passport heaven with his earlier passport/wallet and camera from the beach.

2) When planning a trip abroad always leave it till the last minute to get a new passport.

3) never visit an art exhibition in Amsterdam, you will never find your way out.

4) Trips abroad should involve at least one port of call to a lovely lady, especially if she can let you stay over, though if you meet another girl do return the house key prior to settling down for the night.

5) Never drink beer that has fallen from the ceiling, unless your in Saudi.

6) Never go to Saudi

7) Remember Airlines provide stewardesses for in flight service and hassle free relationships.

8) If you are offered the chance to collect your multi million pound winnings from a bloke in Nigeria, don't go...especially not a second time.

9) See 8 (or a third time)

10) Remember airplane was just a film as was planes trains and Automobiles, regardless if you have friends that resemble all the characters.