Barrelhouse RFC Player Profile Dubai 7's 2007  Home  About Us  Chairman's Message  X Chairs Corner  Members  Fixtures  Joining the Club  Contact Us

Chief of Staff Charlie Wright (MC/MD/MMP/MUPPET)

The only current serving member from an elite family with a long history of front line Rugby service, his natural abilities as a leader of men shines through, first blooded in the battle of Jacobs creek quickly followed by a resounding victory in the war of the Snakebite, where he saw action fighting on the side of the lagers against a combined force of CIDER and Bitter. (Is was his idea to bring in the big gun kebabs to soak up resistance that turned the tide)

A man with a broad chest, to carry all those badges he procured from “Medals R us” which compliment his skills and achievements obtained with the boy scouts (the home help and needlework badge being his particular favourites).

Charles adage of leading from the bar, has never been so true as it is today, shining like a demi god with his “Dan dare”  bristled chin and coiffure hair he not only optimizes Rugby man but is Rugby man.

Lance Corporal Ed De Clercq.

Sectioned out of the team after going AWOL in his last “hostile encounter” generally a team man who has sacrificed corporate entertainment to join the rank and file. He was recently dismissed from service with honours from the local county council public works office, where he was chief bog cleaner rumour has it that after one particularly heroic struggle with “the unsinkable” he earned the name of Captain Ahab, though he didn’t come out of it unscathed, having slipped off the ceramic bowl and squashing the family jewels, the councils loss was the local operatic societies gain. This man will bring you sustenance during after and even before the games, so let’s make sure we have port/sherry and beer ready.

Sgt Peter “the ARFIEURORALIAN” Dickens…AKA Yarpie/john bull/ pommie

I am stumped about how to describe this man, so much to say so little time. Pete was born under a wandering star, he lived in a hotel in new Orleans called the rising sun, when not singing about Kling-ons on the starboard bow or AGA DOO DOO DOO push an apple shake a tree, he is found wandering the dark corners of the British embassy eulogizing his English hereditary so that he may disappear into the outback to become a cattle rancher. Good luck on your move to Australia Pete you’ll always be lovingly referred too as “Y (J)arpie” to us.

Navvie Pat Le Roque (AWOL)

Pat was the original model for GI Joe, though there were HSE problems manufacturing realistic Baccie for the doll to chew. Pat is our big hitting defensive line back, often reminded when entering the field of play to remove the Mexican bandolier and six shooters he wears as standard dress attire. Respected as a tequila drinker, his favourite tipple is currently Beer, for which he is always available. All out body slamming tear inducing tackles, with a “watcha doing down there” are his standard modii operandi.

Pvt Paul Venn

Was last seen kicking for touch against the trash orcs whilst accompanying Frodo Jackson on his quest to return the empties to the recycling pit. After fighting the spindly fish of fear, avoiding the bush pigs of old deira and navigating through the pit of eternal urine, record of his adventure stops, what happened next nobody knows as he mysteriously disappeared, coincidently at the same time, Frodo Jackson was seen sporting a full bucket of beers and giggling to himself in a furtive manner.

Vennie if your out there, come back, don’t go to the dark side (being tee total) your seat in the stands awaits your lithe sportsman like figure and Frodo Jackson will be put on BP (bucket of Pishe) emptying duty.

Captain Andrew “go on make it a small one for the road if you insist” Turton

The Olympic flame of old school rugby tourists, never one to be forgotten, once met always loved. I respected lothario with cut and slash pick up lines, like “any chance of meeting your family” of course I love you..Whats your name again” “oh so you fly that’s interesting tell me some more and while your up fix me a beer hon”.

Andy is a soft spoken, born against Christian, who devotes his spare time to puppy sanctuaries and looking after old people, that glazed look, many confuse with being beer based is actually his look of love for all things beautiful, especially “dee luvvly ladieesss” No tour/wedding/funeral/random gathering is complete without Cheesy being

In attendance.

RSM Andy (ex chair) Jackson.

Andy’s wit matches his stature, as he likes to say with his incessant references to JRR Tolkien, jokes about him are hobbit forming.

Having recently renovated his burrow in the shires, he was viciously attacked by Gandalf and his magic fireworks and hence ready for the fight of the 7’s. A fearless fighter for justice honour and the Barrelhouse way, Fordo Jackson led a party for hearty souls on numerous trips to the badlands that are “the beer tent”. Always found under your feet with beer in hand, this irrepressible man is a beacon of the spirit of barrelhouse. Part of his fantasy is to see him lift the Vets winners trophy one more time before he reaches 30 years of age, so this year the boys have promised to step up their game and steal it from the winners for him.

Rear Gunner David Grennell

A recent suspect in the mysterious “Sandringham shooting fracas” involving the shooting of two rare birds on the royal Norfolk estate, apparently he was heard to mutter “ill shoot what I damn well want what say you Harry”. He was once a member of the MI5 team that was featured in Day of the jackal and the promoted to the role of TV hard man in various departments of the 70’s police show the Sweeney, he has recently taking the more reserved role of official peace officer in Palestine, where he arranged a hog roast BBQ and keg party to get all the fractions talking over a few beers and sort out there years of conflict…They boys are expecting some big tackles up front from this wall of a man.

Pvt Dominic Eyes

Once thought to be no more that a myth, from the shadows of legend, emerged “the Dom” a throw back to the times when men were man and sheep were afraid. A cross between Desperate Dan and Dennis the menace, guaranteed to be found anywhere that serves beer and wine, known for never sleeping (as it along with eating are cheating), is a signed up member of mensa (with an IQ of at least 11) just listen to his line out calls, you’ll see what I mean. Confusing line outs and head down charges through the opposition.Dominc "the Blade Runner" Eyes AKA the Lawnmower man

Pvt Andy Gibb

The Gibb master, after an earlier career in the guitar making business, he moved onto something more rewarding, and now runs a successful cobblers in “Marksham bow shirtlifffing Surrey”, in his spare time he mends tractors and combine harvesters, which he loves to take for a drive on Sunday mornings through the small streets of surrey, whilst driving these streets he often receives many signs of supports as people tend to follow him for miles, honking their horns in respect to his skill and one finger waving when they finally, reluctantly, have to pass. His Rugby style reflects his passion, always ready to harvest the ball up and boot it down field.

Sgt Mike Hannay

The porcupine, as prickly as a prickly thing and twice as prickly, an ex England Lions man, loves to scrimmage, has tamed pit bull moore and defeated Phil vickry, was once described by Naas Bootha as “owzit braa nemurbeger das vottie blockier hahahah” which nobody understood, but then again when does anyone understand him. Hands on ball and turnovers are expected from this man.

Bombardier S Samson

A long haired lover from Liverpool, never one to enjoy an original quip about his strength, he was the original model for the Jiff advert (he was the skinny on in the vest) since then has been living the life of a celeb’ was recently voted the man most likely to be invited into “celebrity” get me out of here, with chas n dave, bagpuss, Maureen shipman and that woman he starred in that comedy in the 60’s once. Snake like hip movements and long passes to the speedy wingers are the mark of this player.

Medic Peter Brimson.

After an early promising career as a male model, starting with his role as the milky bar kid and working his way up to the face of Johnson’s hemorrhoids crème, his time in the spotlight was cut short when he was caught wearing a pink rugby shirt in Amsterdam during a gay pride week, his claim that he was on a heterosexual rugby tour was discredited when it was revealed he was sharing a room with three men above a nightclub called the cock ring, when asked to provide witnesses to support his story he said his “team” were up the old sailor, to the national press it was faux complete. Stylish tries and safe gathering of the high ball for return with blistering speed mark this player from the rest

Tank Commander Dave Glover

Paddy to his mates, not for his Irish ancestry but because he often chucks his toys out of the pram, which at his age is a ridiculous thing to turn up at a game in, considers himself a modern day baby face Finlayson, but with less hair and a bigger nappy. A renowned grafter of the game with mesmerizing running skills, being almost unbeatable over 2 steps. tackles tackles tackles and then a bit more

Chief Surgeon Ron Panchuck

Having just returned from a tour of duty with the Albanian foreign legion in Antarctica, he has mastered the deceptive skills of a killer of beer, his mastery knows no bounds, minesweeping, party tricks even flaming sambuccas don’t scare this earnest practitioner. We are not sure if he will be in any condition to play or even stand, but what’s a game with out chucker in the crowd, He was asked to bring water on at half time once and burnt his skin when he reached out to touch it…..Decisive defence splitting pin point passes are his mark

Mascot Simon Fowler

Made an early career for himself as circus entertainer, born a dwarf, his show topping antics included being fired from a cannon and being thrown from the shoulders of a clown. As part of a banned growth hormone test, he obtained the nickname guinea pig, as he used to run around a big spinning wheel before settling down to hearty meal of sawdust. It is rumored that the growth hormones worked but nobody has seen the proof yet.

Band Sergeant David Oldfield

If you need a theme tune, a wind section or just plain noise, this is the man, his life was epitomized by the Australian comic genius Kevin “bloody” Wilson, in the song, my mate Mick the master farter. Not a popular front row forward, due to his oomph like abilities, however his ass is class when it comes to an extra turn of speed, which is what the boys are expecting in this years 7’s

Head of tunneling/escape committee Alisdair Burgess

Likes to “get a monst it” a street seller by trade and rag and bone man by tradition, this is your all round utility man, forward, back, substitute or beer runner, no job too small not task too big. He used to be known as speedy Gonzales, until he had an unfortunate run in with the real speedy Gonzales, (note to reader) if you want to make a grown man cry, whisper in his ear, “underlay underlay areeba areeba”. Were expecting lots of tries from this man, but don’t be surprised if he offers to do you a nice little deal on some water damaged nylons.